My mom has this friend who used to make a chocolate mayonnaise cake (actually, I bet she still makes it), and apparently it was a pretty great cake. As revolting as it sounds, I can see where mayonnaise would make for a moist cake. Side note: this lady’s now deceased husband had two heart attacks, and she has had (at least) one.
It’s not a joking matter, but is it any wonder?

I myself had a horribly scarring childhood incident involving a mayonnaise + bologna sandwich (mayonnaise being the main ingredient), and every so often I think of it and shudder, but I pushed the memory out of my mind because I really wanted to make a chocolate mayonnaise cake.

I figured mayo cake was a countryish thing, and indeed, it is. I found a recipe online (this one) and read and ignored the reviews, partly because the reviews were mixed and partly because of the spelling. Does that make me a horrible person?

“I would deffinatly make this type of cake instead of using veggitable oil and eggs.”

This one is just plain scary:

“I made this cake for some friends and it was a big hit. This cake was sooooo moist and delicious. In addition to the ingredients specified, I added a box of chocolate fudge instant pudding along with 3 eggs, and 1 cup of Hellmann’s Lite Mayonnaise instead of 3/4 cup. This would make an excellent birthday cake for those chocolate lovers.”

Anyhoo, the mayonnaise stands in for oil and eggs, so all I had to do was use vegenaise instead of it. I added a little black cocoa powder to it, and I had high hopes for it, because the batter was frickin’ delicious. It took me literally five minutes to throw together, and as I was licking the bowl my housemate came out of her room and asked me what I was making. I didn’t want to tell her it was mayonnaise cake in case that grossed her out enough to not want any, so I said nonchalantly, “I’m making chocolate cake, yum!” My plan was that after it was done I’d give her a piece of the cake, watch her eat it, and when she was done watch her reaction as I told her there was vegenaise in it.

Well. If there ever was a time to use epic fail in a sentence, this would be it.
The texture is okay, but the taste is completely lackluster. So sad. It’s like the proverbial bad vegan cake recipe x infinity. I made a coffee icing to go on it to try to save it, and it helped a little, but it’s still a failure. I want to say my mom’s friend used to make a mayonnaise + chocolate icing for the cake, but I could just be making that up for the grossness factor. In fact, I think I am.


You win some, you lose some, right dudes?