What better a day than Earth Day ’09 to talk a little about weirdo hippies?

Dear Blog: Today I saw a guy wearing a tie dyed t-shirt over a tie dyed long sleeve shirt, a cowboy fringe vest over that, cargo shorts, and a cowboy hat. Just as I was thinking to myself WTF, I remembered it was Earth Day. Unfortunately, I got the feeling that his outfit was something he wears all the time.
Please note that I have nothing against tie dye, but I thought I was seriously going to have a seizure when I saw the combo. Wow.

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I always pass this place on my walk into town (and choke on the greasy smells that fill up the air surrounding the plaza it’s in), and of course when they put up their “Hippie specials” I had to see what all the fuss was about. It was kind of about….nothing.
Here’s how my conversation with the waitress went:

“Hi, um, what are your hippie specials?”

“Well, right now it’s an omelet with feta, spinach, and tomato, but it’s normally just any kind of small bit of food.”

Right.

My housemate informs me the owner/cook has thrown people out before for being Republican, which I have to say is quite amusing.

You know what else I find amusing? When people come up with food and drink ideas that are just so completely horrific, you have to laugh.
Case in point:
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Yes, quinoa gold. A blend of quinoa, water, agave, and natural flavors. In a pina colada flavor, nonetheless! (Please note the quinoa sludge at the bottom of the bottle.) I don’t normally go for pina colada flavor, so I had a bad feeling about it.
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It got worse when I smelled it.

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It was so revolting. Ugh ugh ugh. I hate wasting food, but I just couldn’t make myself drink it. Luckily, it was a free sample, so that makes it a little better, but not much.

But I mean, who else but a weirdo hippie comes up with a quinoa drink? Please don’t make millet milk next, that’s all I ask.

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I don’t hate Swiss chard, but I don’t count the old chard as a favorite among my leafy green friends, so when I had a ton of it to use up in my fridge, rather than go the boring route of sauteing, I figured why not make pesto out of it?
It was promptly blanched and shocked, then tossed (well, not really tossed, but you know what I mean…) into the food processor with lemon zest, extra virgin olive oil, walnuts, and salt and pepper whilst the alphabets were cooking, and a good meal was had by all.

Although I must say, the alphabets had some serious letter ratio problems, with most of the pasta shapes being P’s, B’s, or R’s.
A-Z my arse.

Dear pasta company,
If you’re going to have alphabet shaped pasta, please have the whole alphabet so I can spell out big words (my parents never told me not to play with my food- actually, my dad did, but I didn’t listen) and not just the initials for Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.

Thanks,
Veronica

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I’m at my parents house and their computer is dying a slow and tortured death. Yesterday night I was planning on typing this post up (hence the title), but then their computer started making weird noises and so off it went to rest for a while.

Yesterday the weather here was miserable. I mean, that’s what everyone told me. It was snowing and sleeting and shitty, but I didn’t have to leave the house, and it was glorious to stay inside all day and drink warm apple cider and read and not have to worry about slipping on ice.
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What better day than a snow day to have breakfast for dinner?

Pancakes + Maple Syrup + Soysage = One hell of a dinner
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Okay, I have to put a disclaimer: I hate fake meat products. I mean, I’ll eat them if my sister brings home expired fakety fakeness from her job at a health food store, but I never, ever go out of my way to buy them. Except for Soysage.  I love soysage. My mouth salivates when I think of it. But I hardly ever buy it, because A) the ingredients are wack and B) it’s expensive. But I noticed it was buy one get one free at the local Price Chopper this week, and sometimes ya just gotta. Ya know what I mean?
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Placemats I bought at a flea market last year. Somewhere along the way, I picked up a nickname of looney veroony (I… don’t… know? I’m not looney!) so I guess these are only fitting.
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I know you all are scratching your heads in amazement, wondering why the chocolate vegenaise cake was less than stellar, but in breaking news: the flavor is better today! It tastes more like chocolate today, as opposed to nothingness yesterday. I mean, the cake is still mediocre, but not inedible.

And just because I hate writing posts without pictures, here are a few photos of my housemate’s cat, who has taken to sleeping in my room. Her name is Grimm, but I just call her purrball because she never stops purring. Awwwww.
P.S. It’s hard taking pictures of cats, they’re always moving!

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My mom has this friend who used to make a chocolate mayonnaise cake (actually, I bet she still makes it), and apparently it was a pretty great cake. As revolting as it sounds, I can see where mayonnaise would make for a moist cake. Side note: this lady’s now deceased husband had two heart attacks, and she has had (at least) one.
It’s not a joking matter, but is it any wonder?

I myself had a horribly scarring childhood incident involving a mayonnaise + bologna sandwich (mayonnaise being the main ingredient), and every so often I think of it and shudder, but I pushed the memory out of my mind because I really wanted to make a chocolate mayonnaise cake.

I figured mayo cake was a countryish thing, and indeed, it is. I found a recipe online (this one) and read and ignored the reviews, partly because the reviews were mixed and partly because of the spelling. Does that make me a horrible person?

“I would deffinatly make this type of cake instead of using veggitable oil and eggs.”

This one is just plain scary:

“I made this cake for some friends and it was a big hit. This cake was sooooo moist and delicious. In addition to the ingredients specified, I added a box of chocolate fudge instant pudding along with 3 eggs, and 1 cup of Hellmann’s Lite Mayonnaise instead of 3/4 cup. This would make an excellent birthday cake for those chocolate lovers.”

Anyhoo, the mayonnaise stands in for oil and eggs, so all I had to do was use vegenaise instead of it. I added a little black cocoa powder to it, and I had high hopes for it, because the batter was frickin’ delicious. It took me literally five minutes to throw together, and as I was licking the bowl my housemate came out of her room and asked me what I was making. I didn’t want to tell her it was mayonnaise cake in case that grossed her out enough to not want any, so I said nonchalantly, “I’m making chocolate cake, yum!” My plan was that after it was done I’d give her a piece of the cake, watch her eat it, and when she was done watch her reaction as I told her there was vegenaise in it.

Well. If there ever was a time to use epic fail in a sentence, this would be it.
The texture is okay, but the taste is completely lackluster. So sad. It’s like the proverbial bad vegan cake recipe x infinity. I made a coffee icing to go on it to try to save it, and it helped a little, but it’s still a failure. I want to say my mom’s friend used to make a mayonnaise + chocolate icing for the cake, but I could just be making that up for the grossness factor. In fact, I think I am.

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You win some, you lose some, right dudes?

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Terra chips, you were nice while you lasted.

This is possibly the dumbest post ever written, but hopefully Bob Dylan fans will get it.

(I am aware this photo is super blurry, it’s my take on the Blonde on Blonde album cover. Take it or leave it…..)
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Blondies are a nice change of pace from the boring regular chocolate dessert that is known as the brownie. Alright, I take it back, brownies aren’t boring. And actually, chocolate isn’t always used. When my sisters and I were younger on rainy days my mother used to make carob brownies a la 1970’s hippy food/Mollie Katzen cuisine.*
One day when my sister was away at college her friend started talking about how she thought she hated brownies growing up but really she just hated the carob brownies her mother made, and my sister knew exactly what she meant.**
My sister’s friend grew up on a hippy commune in Texas, though. We didn’t grow up on a commune, we were stuck in the suburbs with the urban blues, so I have no idea what my mother’s reasoning behind the carob was.
(Actually I do. We just ate super healthy growing up.)

* I have nothing against the Moosewood cookbooks. In fact, I think they’re adorable. However, I am annoyed by Mollie Katzen’s selling-out. (Don’t follow the link unless you want to be aggravated.)

** For the record, I like carob and I know at least five other people who believe in it.

A few weeks ago I had an idea that cashew butter would be really nice in blondies, so I pledged my time to make some absolutely sweet treats.
The cashew butter worked well in them; the flavor isn’t too overwhelming, but you can taste it, which is nice. I’m happy with the texture, it was just like a blondie should be (well, the texture was perfect for 2 of the 3 I’ve made). The 4th time around we’ll see how it goes.

These babies are a work in progress, though.
I still think they could use something else, I’m just not sure what. If you have a suggestion, feel free to tell me! I’m sure at least one of you must know something to jazz it up.

I wanted to buy some of the Price Chopper accidentally vegan butterscotch chips I’ve been hearing all about lately so I could use them in the blondies and call them blonde on blonde, but the ingredients were scary and I couldn’t bring myself to buy them.
Although I might just have to crack and get them to see how taste in the blondies. Decisions, decisions.
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